I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Randomize
