I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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