Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
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