I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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