Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
