Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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