Got a toothbrush?
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
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