my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
