I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Randomize
