Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
