FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
