i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
