can we get nightvision for the apartment?
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
