he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
