I have demons in me.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
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