I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
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