3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I love black thongs
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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