K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
