OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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