I wish I could teleport
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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