Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
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