what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
