My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I checked into jail on foursquare
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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