Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
