omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Randomize
