im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
