dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
