is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
