my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
