One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
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