i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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