There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
