I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Randomize
