He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
home. puking in laundry basket.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
We have started to decorate penises.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
