Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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