A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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