i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
