Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
