why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
