i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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