We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
