We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
