Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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