I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
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