I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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