you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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