im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
