I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Randomize
