Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
