I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
